Save Me A Seat At The Seder Table: Why The Wicked Child Is Invited

Of all the major Jewish holidays, Pesach is focused in our homes, and more specifically around our tables. From the initial cleaning of our homes, the search for hametz, and the making of the matzah balls, the spiritual center of Pesach is sitting around the seder table and telling the story of how God saved our people, taking us from slavery to freedom. In telling the story of our exodus, our rabbis in the haggadah, use the metaphor of four children, each with different levels of understanding and each asking different questions. They wanted each of us to literally look around the seder table and tell the story so that each person there would be moved, challenged, and inspired by the story.

Yet, of all the four children represented in the story - the Wise, the Wicked, the Simple and the One Who Doesn’t Know How to Ask, why each year would the host of the seder invite the Wicked Child? As a reminder, the wicked child asks, “What mean you by this service?! By the word “you,” it is clear he does not include himself in the community.” Whoa! Talk about attitude! The question of the Wicked Child can be understood not only as his eyes rolling to the back of his head but also a total disconnect from the family, our people and the tradition. 

It is completely understandable that the first year when the wicked child initially asks their question the parent responds. In that case, the seder leader’s response seems relevant if not a necessary stern rebuke of the wicked child even going as far as to say, “had he been there (in Egypt), he would not have been redeemed!” But what is not obvious is why year after year the Wicked Child is invited back! Is it just because he had to move back in with his parents? Maybe he loves his mother’s chicken soup, or maybe it’s just some type of masochistic fetish? After all why would you want someone at the seder table who does not feel a part of the holiday or even the people, and actively taunts others about it?!

Maybe the answer lies with the very story of Pesach itself. Our people start out hungry, enslaved, and abused. We are strangers in Egypt physically but we are also estranged from our innate sense of dignity, self-worth and connectedness to our land and our right to determine our future. In the end God nourishes us, gives us hope, and restores our freedom. The journey we travel however is not a straight one. In fact when Moses first goes to Pharaoh seeking our freedom, Pharaoh not only rejects Moses but also increases the burden on our people. The people’s response to this is to blame Moses and mock him. Indeed, over and over throughout our journey to freedom, the people continually accuse Moses of trying to kill them and wish they could return to Egypt.

Likewise, the Wicked Child is hungry, estranged and adrift. Had he not been invited to the seder, he would not have been able to engage in the conversation, and would not have maybe even recognized what he was missing. Surrounded by family, by community, by food that not only nourishes the body but also speaks to the values of love, hope, and freedom, the Wicked Child may by the end of the seder have been moved. The opportunity exists only because the Wicked Child has been welcomed and invited. Remember, the Wicked Child shows up when invited every year! The tradition believes that even though the Wicked Child does not feel a part of Jewish life and tradition now, the door is always open and more specifically a place around the table has been set and is waiting for him. May our tables but more importantly, our hearts, be big enough, welcoming enough, and hopeful enough to invite all who are hungry to come and join us at the seder table.

Chag Kasher v’ Sameach!

L'Haggid - Telling Our Own Story

         Okay, I admit it, I am a Haggadah connoisseur, I have prints from all over Europe, an assortment of contemporary Haggadot, and even different versions of the classic Maxwell House Haggadah (Yes, even it has changed over the years). I have found one of the most fun ways to make the seder lively is for each participant to use a different Haggadah. While the basic order of the seder remains consistent, the real highlight is the perspective each Haggadah takes in telling the story of Passover in the Maggid section. For example, I have a book that tells the 4 Questions in 140 languages including Klingon! It’s fun to explore different interpretations of the story of Passover, and to find new and creative ways to discuss the core of what the Passover holiday is all about. From the fight of the Refusniks in the 1980’s to the rescue of Ethiopian Jews, whenever we gather together around the seder table Jews are bound to tell the story of Passover with an eye to the world around us and the continuing push for freedom and social justice. 

       

      The Haggadah, which comes from the Hebrew word - to tell, by definition challenges us to tell the story of Passover and to see ourselves as part of that story. In truth the object of the Maggid section is not to just read every word and call it a night or even to mumble a little and then skip ahead. The real objective is to move each of us to tell the story of Passover in a way that is meaningful to us, so that we in the end feel ourselves to be a part of the story. It is after all a story that has not yet seen it’s ending written, with still too much suffering, too many people oppressed, and a world not yet at peace and in balance. So whether your creating your own college seder with friends, or joining your family seder don’t forget to give everyone a part in telling the story of our ancestors but also remember it is the story of us.

Chag Kasher v’Sameach! - A happy and sweet Passover!

B'chol Dor Va'Dor - In each generation

Maybe because Spring is such a hopeful time, a moment of rebirth and dream optimism. Maybe because Passover (Pesach) is my favorite holiday. Whatever the reason, I am deeply moved once again by a line in the Haggadah that says, "In each generation, every individual should feel as though he or she had actually been redeemed from Mitzrayim" (Mitzrayim means Egypt but also means a restricted, narrow or difficult place, ie. between a rock and a hard place - tzuris shares the same Hebrew root).  I believe this statement is profound on a number of levels but in particular in stressing how important it is to be able to feel a sense of ownership of our tradition and it's story. Each of us is an important part of the larger fabric of the Jewish people and our history, but also each of us as individuals can find personal meaning in the story of moving from slavery to freedom, from that hard place to a better place in our lives. Whether it is fighting and surviving cancer, grappling with what to do about elderly parents, trying to stay afloat financially, or dealing with the ups and downs of relationships -no matter the difficult situation or challenge, our faith can give us the tools and support needed to find the courage, inspiration, love and hope to overcome whatever holds us back. I find that Pesach gives me the chance to look beyond the tzuris, count the blessings God has given me, and to look forward to breaking the chains of those things which limit or diminish me. It helps me realize the potential inside myself, and recognize where I am in the journey of freedom. A freedom journey, which is about using our precious days to better our personal lives, our families, and that of our larger community. Understood in this way, b'chol dor va'dor (in each generation) we can honestly tell our children and grandchildren, this is what God, the Eternal One did for me when I went forth from Mitzrayim. May God's love and guidance strengthen all of us as we march forward to freedom. Chag Sameach!