One of the most moving prayers during the past month of
holidays is the prayer Sh’ma Koleinu
– which literally means – “Hear Our Voice.” This prayer is a deep heartfelt
plea to God not to abandon us, not to hide from us, but instead to hear our
prayers and renew us. Traditionally the Cantor chants each verse and the
congregation repeats it. I have often wondered why we would even need such a
prayer? After all by this point in the service we have already been praying to
God for quite some time! Yet, there is something so emotional about the poet’s
words, a feeling of vulnerability and weakness, a fear of being alone even in a
group, a feeling that if God can’t hear us in our pain then who will?
For some types of hurt, sharing our pain with others is part
of our tradition, and often it is out in the open, and can be easily
recognized. When we suffer a loss of a loved one, the mourner literally shows
their grief by tearing clothing/ribbon as an outward sign of their broken
heart. The community responds to the mourner by comforting the mourner,
bringing food, attending minyanim,
and surrounding them with love and support.
But, there is another type of hurt that is all too often
hidden and not in our communal consciousness enough – the pain of Domestic
Abuse. October is National
Domestic Violence Awareness month, and for too many in our community, the
physical, verbal, and psychological abuse they suffer is a secret. It is hidden
by makeup, an outward appearance of normalcy, and shame. It is a constant fear
that no one will believe them, a fear of what will happen if they come forward,
and a fear of what their abuser might do to them if they found out.
The stereotypes of “that doesn’t happen in the Jewish
community”, or “nice Jewish boys/girls don’t do that”, or “this is a only a
women’s issue”, or “it only happens in poor households” not only are completely
wrong, but actually often act as social barriers for the victims who are
contemplating how to get help. Too many instead suffer silently, afraid,
intimidated and alone.
What these hidden members of our congregations and our
community need is a voice, someone to speak out and then to answer their private
Sh’ma Koleinu. That’s where the
Rosenberg Domestic Abuse program*
and KOLOT come in. The Rosenberg Domestic Abuse program is a part of Alpert
Jewish Family & Children's Services. It is a safe place for anyone who is suffering
from abuse to get help and support. You are not alone! We are here for you and
no one has the right to diminish and abuse you, especially those who are
closest to you. Whether it is your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, it is
not your fault and there is never an excuse for abuse. KOLOT is the communal
voice to raise awareness. It is made up of clergy, community leaders, but
mostly caring men and women who want to help in a tangible way. Our community teen trainers teach their peers about healthy and unhealthy relationships and the signs of abuse. Finally, the annual “No
Excuse For Abuse” Luncheon brings together hundreds dedicated to getting out
the message that abuse happens in our Jewish community and we need to support
the victims and caregivers.
The pain of abuse alone is terrible, the suffering in
silence only makes it worse. Let us be a sukkat
shalom – a refuge of wholeness to those who are still suffering under
abuse, and let us be there to hear their prayers of Sh’ma Koleinu and answer them with our own voices of courage,
comfort, and love.
*Rosenberg Domestic Abuse
hotline number: 561 684-1991
